| Motivated |
[May. 25th, 2008|06:50 am] |
The most motivating lyric I have heard in a long time.
I don't care if it hurts.
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body.
I want a perfect soul.
Today will be a good day. |
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| #86. Make a CD of my favorite music to be played at the end of the project. |
[Feb. 13th, 2008|01:40 pm] |
Originally published at 101 Things in 1001 Days. Please leave any comments there. Okay. Today I made the playlist for #86 and burned it to a CD. I’m going to keep the playlist file on my server so I don’t lose it. These are the tracks I put on it:
- Coffee Shop Soundtrack - All Time Low
- Time & Confusion - Anberlin
- Matter of Time - Cartel
- Hopeless Love - Daphne Loves Derby
- One Hundred Times - Hit The Lights
- I Can Barely Breathe - Just Surrender
- Don’t Stay - Linkin Park
- If I Only Had The Heart - The Maine
- If All Else Fails - Matchbook Romance
- My Friends Over You - New Found Glory
- Vulnerable - Secondhand Serenade
- The Process (Tonight) - Self Against City
- You Were The End Of Me - Six Letter Word
- Bottom Of A Bottle - Smile Empty Soul
- So Much - The Spill Canvas
- Playing Favorites - The Starting Line
- Anthem Of Our Dying Day - Story Of The Year
- Pretty Girl (The Way I Love You) - Sugarcult
- Do You Remember - The Summer Obsession
- My Beautiful Rescue - This Providence
- Breathe Again - Jimmy Robbins
- The Space Between - Valencia
All I have to do now is put the CD somewhere I won’t lose it in the next 1000 days.  |
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| To a new year... |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|11:04 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | new years | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
My hopes for the new year are...
Wait... What are my hopes for the new year? I can't figure it out. Should I hope for change? It's coming anyway. Stability? My disorder rules that one out. What about love? Well, I think I've found that one, at least.
The next year is bound to be just as bad as the previous one.
I can't say that I don't want to expect a lot from the year to come. However, I don't want to be disappointed, either. My sensible side tells me to prepare for a year filled with more problems, ruined friendships, heartbreak, and pain.
I have made one single resolution this year though.
I hereby resolve to take my medication every day.
I hate taking it. Nine pills every day. They make me sick to my stomach. I hate them. But without them, I become a person I don't even recognize. I become a person I don't WANT to recognize. It scares me how little control I have over my emotions and actions without the medication. Yet I stop taking them when I feel good, thinking I don't need them anymore. And then I spiral out of control again and realize I'm only feeling good because of them. So I promise to take them, every day.
Happy 2008. Good riddance, 2007. |
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| icky sicky |
[Dec. 9th, 2007|11:40 pm] |
so here i am, laying next to my boyfriend armed with tissues, cough drops, and chicken soup. he got sick about 4 days ago, and i'm finally coming down with it. hence, we are in quarrantine in my room, away from the rest of my family. however, this got me thinking on some things.
relationship:
there is nothing in this world that i cherish more than my relationship with my amazing boyfriend. the feeling i get waking up next to him every morning is the epitome of what it means to be in love. i wouldn't trade him for anything in the entire world. he is my strength, my common sense, and my conscience. without him, i am nothing. with him, i am the best i can ever become.
school:
as much as i hate showing up for class and having to focus for four hours straight, deep down i know that this is for my future and i have to do it. this term has been hard enough with the drama that ive had with my boyfriend, my family, and my friends, i don't need to top it all off with bad grades. hence, i've made a commitment to myself to do my best to salvage the rest of this term and not to make the same mistake in the future.
family:
my mom is so frustrating sometimes. scratch that.... all the time. she is so high strung that she freaks out over EVERYTHING, from her cell phone ringing to me forgetting to take my medication. she also is under the impression that i don't take my medication on purpose, just to spite her... which might be a good theory in the demented alternate reality that she is living in. however, in all honesty, i simply forget. it sucks, but i try my best. my grandma is being as vile as possible toward my boyfriend and i want to slap her for it. she blames him for my low grades and lack of sleep, but its not his fault. he's the one who encourages me to sleep and go to class on time. she just needs to chill the fuck out before it escalates any further.
well, now i am going to return to my chicken soup and cough drops and be a sick little fish. and be bored. my AIM is on my user profile. feel free to hit it up. |
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| What Do You Have To Say? - Public Transit Nightmare |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|02:15 am] |
OH WOW. You want to hear about bad public transit? I live in Southern California, but up until a few months ago, I had never taken the Metro (train). I was so traumatized by this particular experience that I hope to never have to take it again.
I was on the way to see a Fall Out Boy concert with my boyfriend. We took the Red Line from the North Hollywood station to 7th & Metro, then switched to the Blue line to take it all the way to Long Beach. About two stops down from where we got on, the train braked... HARD. From inside the train, we could see people on the sidewalks dialing on their cell phones. We found out later that it was because THE TRAIN HIT A PERSON! We were stuck on the train for almost 45 minutes before they could move the train. Hence, we were late for the concert. It was tragic, because we found out the pedestrian that was hit died on scene.
Unfortunately... that wasn't the end of my fiasco.
After the concert, we had to take the train all the way back to North Hollywood. It was about 11 PM and there were about 7 or 8 people in the car. I was just cuddling with my boyfriend when I started to hear remarks from this elderly black man sitting several rows back. He called me a "slut", a "white whore" and a "white piece of shit". My boyfriend was furious. I told him to just let it go, but then the man began to talk louder, almost to the point of shouting. He basically blamed me personally for the enslavement of his race over 500 years ago! He was calling me a "cracker" and yelling at me "let my people go!!" At this point, my boyfriend was absolutely livid, so at the next stop, we got up and changed cars.
The rest of the ride went pretty smoothly, but I'm still traumatized to this day. |
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| the nerd cage? |
[Dec. 2nd, 2007|10:15 pm] |
so here i am in azusa, california, sitting at the only mac in the local cyber cafe. im pretty much in love with this little hole in the wall, except for the noise level. they have everything you could ever dream of here, from pc to mac, xbox 360 to ps2. the prices are reasonable and its definately a good time.
i'm back together with my boyfriend and its working out great. he is an amazing person and i want to have him in my life forever. i can't stop smiling when i am around him. i love when his sincerity shines through, and when he tells me he loves me, i can feel it. you know the love songs you hear on the radio? when i hear them, he is the only one i can think about. my song for him is by anberlin called "time and confusion." listen to it and read the lyrics. it makes me smile.
i redid my myspace last night because i couldn't sleep and the dreamhost powerade server was down... depressing, i know. click here to see it. i think it looks pretty fucking badass if i do say so myself.
school is killing me and my mom is on my case. this is going to be one of the hardest weeks of the term, so i'm freaking out... bad. ugh. 3 projects due this coming week alone. a ten page research paper due in 10 days. im SCREWEDDDDDD. any suggestions? hah. i could use some. |
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